Double-Take

I've become accustomed to my somewhat new surroundings. I've lived here before, but it's been over a year since then. Only a week back, but it's been the longest week of my life.

::rewind::

It's amazing how we feel so justified in our decisions. We accommodate for other people but in all reality, we're serving our own means. Some of us need to leave the nest, some of us want to take those people under their wing to protect them. 

Naturally a bonding process begins, quickened by a prior relationship. Bad habits are repeated, but with the desire to protect comes the desire to understand, to make them truly see what's important. Clarity is gained, dedication is promised and upheld. A date is set, there's no reason why it shouldn't happen.

However, there's always a layer others don't see. The crumbling of trust, the lack of communication. Constantly checking up on each other, even when both parties are innocent. Utilizing technology to gain access to information where it never was.

And then.. despite a gradual reconstruction of what's broken, a conversation happens between old friends. It's amazing how simply talking can be the catalyst for a relationship to end. Though I don't believe topics such as "experimentation with others" and how your fiancée is nothing more than dead weight holding you back are normal conversation topics between someone who was soon-to-be-married and an old friend.

Or how a text to a radio DJ  is filled with so much contempt that just reading it feels like a vicious, fanged bite to the jugular. Maybe you should rethink what you're saying when you say that it's nice having a stay-at-home future wife and that you always want to care and provide for our little family, because clearly you were lying.

Though a line has to be drawn somewhere. Installing a key-logger due to a lack of trust in what your lover's been saying to others about you and based on your own insecurities is definitely that line.

So I moved out.

::back to today::

Slowly readjusting to life at home. Jobs are difficult to come by but not without a strong effort to find one. A car is next on the list.

Love is a fickle and painful thing. It's insanity. It keeps you attached to someone from whom you try to get away. Well, maybe it wasn't love. Not in its true form. It was heavily diluted with immaturity, ego, doubts, and sex. Yes, sex can dilute love and turn it into an illusion. It can make a bad relationship last longer if its good. Studies have proven that much, life experience makes it true.

Anywho.. I'm off to walk achingly downstairs and organize my room. I'd love to go snowboarding tonight as well but I hit the gym hard the last couple nights, so we'll see if my screaming muscles will let me. 

Later, internet.

I've opened Pandora's Box..

..and I've discovered more artists I enjoy, such as Eve 6 and Story of the Year. Pretty awesome stuff, I must admit.

I'm also rediscovering some pretty epic Playstation 2 games, and re-obsessing over puzzle/strategy online games. .. And cooking games. They are the absolute bane of my existence but I swear I can't get enough.

I also have a promising prospect of employment. Cross your fingers with me, folks. I'd love to have this job, no doubts about it. It's exactly along the lines of my interests and a good chunk of my abilities can go towards bettering that particular company and its customers.

And holy dear god I need to get out of this apartment and socialize.

On another note, I've commandeered my little brother's bracelet. Y'know, those ones that all the guys are wearing because it says "I <3 boobies". Ha. It's for keep-a-breast.org, and personally, I'd really, -really- love to have mine for the rest of my life. ... And my brother can't wear his to school so I figured I'd keep the temptation and trouble out of his fingers {and off his wrist} :D. I'm such a nice older sister.

Anywho.. I miss high school. Not so much the condition it's in now, but back in the day, when I was able to see all my friends and socialize. Unfortunately, it takes graduating to realize who will stick around and who won't. ... And who you'll choose to stick around for. It makes me feel terrible, like I've abandoned everyone by moving away. Not just from high school, either. I've left people from other schools behind, forcing them to find a new best friend or significant other. It's painful to think about and even just looking at those you used to call best friends, finding yourself replaced. 

Man, I can be so depressing sometimes. Sorry, folks. Didn't mean to drag you down with me there for a minute or three. ... Bahahahaha who am I kidding? Nobody reads this thing, anyway. :P

Now, off to obsess over more cooking games. I have to kill time until we get Freha fixed on Friday. Holy crud will that be a miraculous day.

... And to distract myself from the fact that my most favouritest kitty in the whole wide world is getting put down today. I really don't want to cry about it. Or even think about it. But I want to put something up in her memory, so I'll find a picture of her.. somewhere.. I know I have one somewhere. Please let there be one somewhere, I'm going to freak the frick out if there's not..

If I find one, I'll put it up. Anywho. Later folks. I need to be distracted now.

"You remind me of the times
When I knew who I was (I was)
But still the second hand will catch us
Like it always does"

20.5 hours and counting..

Well, I said I'd update after my third tattoo session, so here it is:

Once again, the credit for the pictures and art belongs solely to Carl Kerssen of Forever Yours Tattoo.

This is the reference picture my artist {Carl <3} used. Obviously, it's difficult to make a perfect match, but I feel he did a wonderful job.

This is a better view of the finished jewel. As stated by the title of the blog, this part took 20.5 hours. Yes, it was painful. Extremely painful, at times. My knees wouldn't stop jerking in the lower middle part, as that was virtually a small layer of skin directly over bone.

On another slightly different note.. Damn, that's one flattering picture, isn't it?

It needs to be touched up in some parts, mostly due to my own fault. I managed to get some chemical burn during the first healing process, and it still hasn't been fully repaired. It's -very- sensitive still, much to my dismay. But, I'll get over it.

I do think it's an honour that Carl thinks I should attend the convention in Lacrosse just because of what we have done now and submit it to the contests going on there. I just wish I could have gotten more done before the convention. But I think it'll be fun, regardless.

Anywho, moar updates!!! ... And I love how I don't get a spelling-corrector-red-line-thinger under the word "moar". Win.

There's been some .. complications, I suppose you could say.. coming from the direction of a certain family. It would be inappropriate of me to go into detail, but I feel that said family should go straight to the source of the problem and have an open, honest talk about how -both- sides feel about everything that's been happening. To let such feelings fester will only foster dislike and much distrust.

Anywho, there's not much more to life than what I've posted. Onwards to wasting time online and watching the guys kill zombies on Black Ops!!

"I hope you're not intending

To be so condescending it's as much as I can take

And you're so independent

You just refuse to bend so I keep bending 'til I break"

Gotta love insomnia.

It seems I've been having trouble falling asleep this night/morn. So, as it appears I have neglected to mention a few things in the previous post, I might as well pick that up now, rather than when I come back from my tattoo appointment later today.

Apartment Update

Still living in Saint Paul. With the same people. And animals. That part hasn't changed. Moving on.

Vehicle Update

This part I'm pretty happy about. We finally managed to buy a reasonable vehicle that will last us a good amount of time. It's rather.. cute, too. A silver 2000 Ford Focus ZX3 Special Kona Edition. And.. it's a manual. 'Bout time I learned how to drive one those confounded things. Now if I could just find time to practice..

For the record, it wasn't my idea to be like my dad 

and have my picture taken in front of my vehicle. 

But it's a pretty nice shot, nonetheless.

Jonathan Update

He's been working at UnitedHealth Group for the past few months, and was recently put on full-time. It's pretty exciting watching his job unfold into a lifelong career. He definitely has the experience and personality for it, and then some.

This next month should be interesting, where he's involved. It's been.. hectic, to say the least.

Meows Update

Cheschire's all up-to-date on his stuffs, now we just have to get Freha done. Yes, two months later. Perch and rotate. Unfortunately, she's been going into heat, so she's been bugging the frick outta Cheschire {and anyone else that happens to catch sight of their.. shenanigans}. She'll be cured next Friday {20110114} so we'll all regain our sanity. At least, what little we can grasp.

Last but not least.. occasionally

There's me. Which.. not a whole lot has happened. I applied for a job that I know I would enjoy, but they said they weren't hiring, despite the fact that one of their usual crew put in her two weeks notice shortly before I applied. Maybe I should wait a little while longer. You never know. If not, well, my application will be on-file for a year. There's always a chance.

In the meantime, I can relish in the delight that I have found in the original Star Trek series. Spock is pretty much my favourite, with the best episode I've seen so far being "A Piece Of The Action." So much win, it blew my mind.

And I'm no longer attending Le Cordon Bleu. I haven't been since December, and I couldn't even if I wanted to continue. My loan never went through with the school, even though it was their responsibility to finish that last step and get it approved. Of course, I could have stormed their gates and attempted to obtain some sort of cooperation, but I had already lost interest in the school as a whole. I realized I don't want to work in a kitchen, despite my love of cooking and baking. I'd much rather be Graphic Designing. So, that's the next step after I get this debt figured out. I already know where I'm going, I just have to get this mess cleared up first. Wish me luck?

Other than that.. there's not much more I can say...

"We toss and turn but don't sleep

Each breath we take makes us thieves

Like causes without rebels

Just talk but promise nothing else"

And tomorrow makes three.

Whelp. I was recently asked if I would post pictures of my pretty tattoo, to which I naturally replied that I would. I suppose it would be beneficial for anyone else wondering about its progress. I'll post a picture of my first one eventually. When I can obtain a better picture. Don't hold your breath, though.

Anywho.. Onward!!

Credit for the artwork and pictures belongs to: 

Carl Kerssen of Forever Yours Tattoo

First session - November 19, 2010

Time: 8 hours

Second session - December 10, 2010

Time: 6 hours, 30 minutes

So.. yea, it's going to take awhile longer. I'll keep it updated so you can watch it unfold. "You" loosely translating to the dustbunnies and trolls that follow this blog. Maybe a stalker or two, as well. Anywho.

I'll be going in tomorrow morning, a bright and early 0930, for my third session. If you're interested in tattoos/piercings and you are able to get your way over to Anoka, definitely check out Forever Yours Tattoo. They do some truly amazing work and they're pretty easy to get along with, even if you're not very talkative or a people person. They're really not even that expensive, either. Obviously size and detail matters but even so, they're really quite reasonable.

I suppose I should start psyching myself up! I get to prance around the shop in a bikini top! 

WOOOO!!!!