Sometimes, I wonder why I'm single

And for awhile, I manage to convince myself it's because I want to be. I mean, who needs someone else dragging you down like that? Getting all up in your biz-nasss like that. Checking your phone, asking where you're going, who you're with, when you'll be back.. It's like "JEEZ OKAY -DAD- I'm just gonna go do a bunch of hard drugs and have massive orgies with all these people and I promise I won't think of you. NOT. ONE. BIT. Bcuz I luv u bby. Our timez r speshul."

... That was incredibly painful to type.

But then I see all these happy people, happy couples. And it hits me. The common denominator to all my failed relationships = me. And I know it was me. I've always been the one controlling the relationship. I made the calls, I decided when it was good or it was over.

Not only that. But I take a look at all the places that I'm -not- going, all the potential that has been wasted ever so clearly.. And I know others see it, too. I have no one to blame but myself.

For awhile, I had been calling a close friend out on his statements, theoretical as they were, about us "dating." He would only say "We'll see." Now I understand why.

So. Quite frankly. Fuck it. I'm not "on the market." I won't ever be "on the market."

All because I know that I'm not good enough to even be considered for this "market."