I was asked not too long ago when I would finally update this blog for my loving followers. Well folks, here it is. I'll let you in on everything that's been going on so far. And it's pretty excellent.
First order of business: I've been working at Office Depot since the last post. It's.. uh.. interesting. Though a -lot- of awesome people work there. We've taken on a couple new people since another location closed, and they're pretty great, too. I'm looking for a second job, though. Not getting too many hours these days, and I have insurance and gas to pay for. Which brings me to my second order of business..
I have my very first very own vehicular mobile!! I'm so super stoked about it, you guys have -no- clue. He's a red '94 Ford Explorer, and his name is Two-Face. Mostly because he's not very pretty on one side.. But he runs like a charm and built like a tank! {Definitely takes the gas of one, too. Woof..}
He's my baby, though. Besides, I feel I can kinda relate to him. We both have parts that are damaged but we're still running strong. We just need a little love from someone willing to fix us up and we'll be good as new, if not better.
On another note, I had to battle a few demons not too long ago. One was my alcoholism. I thought I had it under control, but moving home caused me to become terrifyingly intimate with the bottle. I would come home at the end of the day and go from sober to blacked out in around an hour. My mother noticed, and we had a fight about it. As helpful as she was trying to be, she wasn't going about it quite the right way. I was already feeling so very controlled and highly incapable of pleasing anyone, especially her, and hearing her talk about -my- problem in such a manner that -she- was the only one that matters when it comes to my decisions.. It was a difficult time, and after another fight we had a week later, I left. Bryan, a co-worker of mine, so very graciously took me in, and I couldn't be more grateful he did. I wasn't the kindest of folk to him for awhile, pushing him away and taking everything he did for me for granted.. He wanted to be more than friends, while I wasn't comfortable with the thought of settling down, thinking only of myself and hurting him in the process. However, something finally clicked in my head, telling me that what I was doing was sheer idiocy and I threw away someone absolutely amazing, that I needed to get off my high horse and realize that the feelings of other people matter, that it's okay to actually open up, not just about my past but also my emotions. {as crappy as I am about doing so.. emotions are such foreign things to me} I managed to finally get the chance to apologize, and he listened and accepted, for the most part. I suppose you could say I'm on a probationary period, which I understand the reason behind it. I'd do the same thing if I were dealing with myself on his end. Actually, I probably would've told myself to eff off, so he's stronger than I am. But at least he's given me this second chance. I can't afford to waste it.
I did manage to somewhat patch things up with my mother. It -is- Mother's Day, after all, so I bought her flowers, her favourite chocolate and a card. I figured there was no sense in being a total douche, and the fighting has to end sometime. As much as I don't quite care for her as a person, she's still my mother, she still raised me, and she -is- part of the reason I'm here now.
Well readers, I'm going to have to sign off for now. It's 19:00, and I need to head out and pick up Bryan because he gets off work within the next half hour. Kinda excited to see him. I never know what to do with myself when he's gone. It sounds silly, I know. But opening myself up to him has been one of the best decisions I've made in a long time.
Labels: Bryan, Mother's Day, Office Depot, Second Chance, Two-Face
